My good friend Dule Misevic passed this on, which he got in email from our friend Dusan Maljkovic in Belgrade.
Top Ten reasons for being a Serb
- You are not a Croat.
- Basketball team.
- You can choose between several war criminals in Presidential elections.
- You can enjoy the positive media coverage of your country when abroad.
- You can fight 600 year-old battles against the Turks and their domestic collaborators, be convinced that it's happening right now, and not be entirely wrong.
- You can always go to Greece and Cyprus and fear nothing.
- Grilled meat and slivovitz.
- You get to drink slivovitz and eat grilled meat even when under economic sanctions.
- You are the only European country which will be bombed by NATO.
- Every now and then you get to fly to the Hague at someone else's expense.
Top ten reasons for being a Croat
- You're not a Serb.
- Soccer team.
- You get to pretend that your language is different from Serbian, although it's really not.
- You get to dream about independent Croatia.
- Every now and then you get to sing "Danke, Danke, Deutschland," and continue to dream about independent Croatia.
- You have a thousand-year culture of which no one has heard.
- You have a democratically elected President who is not ashamed of being a Croat.
- The glorious World War Two past.
- You have a thousand-year culture...
Top Ten reasons for being Bosnian
- You can get asylum anywhere except in Serbia.
- You can pretend that your state exists.
- You can pretend that Sarajevo is a really cosmopolitan European city when you know that it is not.
- Great kebab.
- You can be visited by Francois Mitterand, Bernard Henry-Levy, Susan Sontag, and Bill Clinton and it still doesn't make a difference.
- Free round-trip to any Moslem country.
- You get to be bombed by a psychiatrist.
- You can fly your flag in the UN but nowhere else.
- Foreigners give you money and don't ask any questions.
Top Ten reasons for being Slovenian
- You can speak the beautiful Slovene language and know that no one cares except you.
- You can feel superior to all former Yugoslavs.
- You can drink after work.
- You can pretend to live on the "sunny side of the Alps," although you know it's not that sunny.
- You can pretend that you are as good as any German while secretly enjoying the fact that you are a Slav.
- Good relations with Italy and Austria.
- You can afford to be Yugo-nostalgic.
- You can marry a Slovene and have Slovene children who speak Slovene.
- You don't have to be ashamed when abroad.
- No one bothers you because no one really cares.
Top Ten reasons for being Macedonian
- You can call yourself Macedonian and not get killed by a Bulgarian, Greek, Serb or Albanian.
- Fresh tomatoes, watermelon and tobacco.
- You can pretend you are a descendant of Alexander the Great and piss off the Greeks.
- You get to be sad and suffer while listening to folk music.
- Good relations with your neighbors, especially Greeks and Albanians.
- American soldiers on your territory.
- You get to call your country The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.
- Fresh tomatoes, watermelon, and tobacco.
- You can successfully pretend your language is not Bulgarian.
- Everyone is interested in the stability of your country except your neighbors.
Top Ten reasons for being Montenegrin
- You can be proud of your heroic past and not being conquered by the Turks for 500 years.
- You can sing epic songs about your heroic past and not being conquered by the Turks for 500 years.
- You can think of Russia as your Mother, although Russia does not know you are her son.
- You can combine orthodoxy with Stalinism with love of Russia and still think that you are better and more progressive than the Serbs.
- Goat cheese, grilled lamb, and grappa.
- You get to kill at least one person in a vendetta and defend your honor.
- If you are a woman you can kill your husband and everyone knows why you did it.
- You can smuggle cigarettes to Italy and live like a king.
- You don't have to work even when you have to.
- You don't have to work...
Top Ten reasons for being Albanian
- You can always swim to Italy.
- You can choose between a president who stole your whole income, one who killed all your relatives, or go fight the Serbs in Kosovo.
- You can be proud of being from "the land of the eagle."
- You can always swim to Italy.
- You can take weapons from any army garrison and defend your honor.
- You can get killed in a vendetta and be remembered as the hero of the family.
- You get to be called the poorest country in Europe.
- You can live in the ecologically cleanest country in Europe.
- You can always swim to Italy
- You are proud of being "from the land of the eagle."
Top Ten reasons for being a Yugoslav
- You can be proud that you are neither a Serb, nor a Croat, nor a Slovene, hor a Bosnian, nor a Macedonian, nor Montenegrin, nor an Albanian, although you are one or more of the above.
- You don't have to feel bad about being "Yugo-nostalgic."
- You can have a husband/wife from any part of Yugoslavia and still feel like the country never fell apart, especially if you are abroad.
- You get to listen to Serbian, Croatian, Bosnian, Slovenian, Macedonian, Montenegrin, and even Albanian music and feel that it's quite OK.
- You don't have to be ashamed of your Titoist past.
- You can sing Partisan songs from World War Two or rock-and-roll from the 1980's.
- You get to be cosmopolitan and spit on all the nationalists.
- You get to be researched by foreign sociologists interested in your identity.
- You are invited to speak about Yugoslavia at conferences abroad.
- You are a good candidate for a Soros stipend.
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Chuck Taggart (e-mail chuck)