Things to avoid when being a rock critic.

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1. The Mad-Lib Sentence: "(Singer)'s (adjective) vocals and (guitarist)'s 
(adjective) guitars (verb) over the (adjective) rhythms of (bassist)'s
(adjective) bass and (drummer)'s thundering drums."  (Example: "Michael 
Stipe's mumbled vocals and Peter Buck's gnashing guitars soar over the 
taut rhythms of Mike Mills' looming bass and Bill Berry's thundering 
drums.")  Please note that the drums are always thundering in this sentence. 
Always.  Very popular in Rolling Stone.  Mentions all the band members 
economically, but highly overused.

2. The Range Sentence: "From the (advective) '(song title)' to the 
(adjective) '(song title),' (band) displays a stunning range of 
influences."  Typically describes how far away the band in question can
get from their usual boring mid-tempo pop doody.  Frequently one of the 
adjectives used is "hushed;"  the other "roaring."  (Example: "From the 
hushed 'Turn My Head' to the roaring 'Freaks,' Live displays a stunning 
range of influences."   Sure they do.)

3. "Raw urgency."  Meaning it's not well done?

4. "Sheer enthusiasm."  What, are they climbing El Capitan?  Selling  
L'Eggs at their gigs?  Jeezus, hair-metal had "sheer enthusaism."  It's 
not a compliment.

5. "Pop sensibility."

6. "Legend" or "legendary."  This is applied to almost any musician or 
band around in the 50s or 60s and any black musician 55 or older.  Nobody 
should be referred to as a legend unless you're talking about Paul Bunyan 
or Robin Hood.

7. "(Name of musician)-Lite;" i.e., Dylan-Lite, Springsteen-Lite.  This 
one seems to have fallen out of favor in recent years, but for a while it got
very annoying.

8. "Gumbo":  This mainly applies to people writing about Cajun, zydeco 
and other Louisiana music, i.e. "The Neville Brothers create a rich musical
gumbo."  Yes, and Los Lobos play a mean Burrito Supreme.

9. "Screaming guitars."  A cousin of thundering drums.

10. A new Stones album that is the best one since "Exile on Main Street" 
is pretty average; a new Stones album that is the best one since "Some
Girls" is pretty bad; a new Stones album that is the best one since 
"Tattoo You" definitely sucks.

11. "Could sing a phone book and make it sound..."

12. "It is a true gem, a jewel."

13. "A guilty pleasure."

(Thanks to Tom Krueger for passing this along.)